Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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