Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
