My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
