dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
