I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize