Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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