Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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