tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
