omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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