i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
