where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize