id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
