The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
