I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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