I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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