You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
