Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
