does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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