We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize