In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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