We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
