the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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