Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
