I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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