I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
