his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
