I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
