Sry I called you an 8
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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