Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
