whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
