You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
