The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
