yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
