forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she told me i tasted like america
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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