maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
