I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
