my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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