Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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