Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
