who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
