So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
