There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
dude. I can hear the air.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
