i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They took my balls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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