I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
