Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
