these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
