he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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