Sry I called you an 8
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your penis caused this!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
