ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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