your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
