Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize