you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
