During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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