I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
