Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
