My liver just broke up with me...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
