people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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