So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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