Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
