Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
