me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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