Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
