are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
