He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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