Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want her autograph on my taint
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
