hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
