I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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