So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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