More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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