i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
