the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
