I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
