I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
