i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
