A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
