ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
whose parrot is this?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
