New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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