True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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