why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
