so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I deserve this hangover.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
