i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize