I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
