Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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