im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
