Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
