so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize