Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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