imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
