first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How external is "for external use only"?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
