I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
