Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
