Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
