I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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