My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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