to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
