You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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