So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize