hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
